|working through the changes of my body and soul|
Letters to an Angel
According to Amber
Descent into the Dungeon
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
posted by L | 6:23 PM
John has just recently posted about this, but i've decided to write mine before i read his, because this has been bouncing around my head a lot lately, and hopefully will be as interesting as i think it is to the rest of the world.
there's a new couple that has recently joined our local group, in search of new ways to bring more intimacy into their lives, and in search of new levels to themselves. they're warm, engaging, and genuinely interested in learning. they have struggled with the vast ocean of info on BDSM out there, so we have gladly allowed them to ask all the questions of us they wish, and have tried to answer as completely as possible.
the most important thing we've been trying to communicate to them is that this lifestyle is what you make it, and that what works for some will not necessarily work for others. we've made it as clear as we can that if they only want one aspect of the lifestyle in their lives (be it discipline, be it flogging, be it domestic service), that's okay. what's important is they make it work for them, take what they can use, and not worry about the rest.
at the same time, we've done our best to show them as many aspects of it as we can, either personally or through other members of our group, as well as referring them to several other weblogs besides ours.
as we all know, the lifestyle is hugely varied and rich, and not everyone is into the same things, and i think that's what makes it so amazing. as John and i do our best to find what works for us within the realm of BDSM, this process of helping another couple along has helped me answer questions of myself and of our relationship that i didn't realize i didn't have ready answers to.
at one point, they asked what it is that makes me want to take off my clothes and be flogged, and to even do it in front of others. this wasn't something i'd ever seriously thought about before, and i realized right away that i don't actually know the full reason myself, only that i am certain it is something i want and need. i talked about my exhibitionist streak, and i talked about the reward of the natural high from the pain/endorphins relationship, and the complete and beautiful trust it takes for me to be able to do it, and how that trust is not only in John, but in the group to which we belong as well.
it was quite a revelation to myself, and i imagine it gave them even more to think about.
so that's all for now, but i'm sure we both will have more to say as the mentoring continues.